The Personal Statement That Got Me An Oxford Interview
Right now everyone wants to see real personal statement examples - so here it goes, check mine out here. By the way - I don’t think it’s good.
This personal statement got me offers from the LSE and Kings, as well as to interview at Oxford back in 2019
It is often regarded that understanding friction is necessary in order to drive innovation, as innovation is the act of reducing friction within society in order to make living better and crucially, easier.
From a young age this is what I would try to do. I strived to create innovative solutions in sectors which I found interesting, solutions which would lead to a better, more efficient use of consumer money. With the stronger set of economic vocabulary I now have, I label this as a desire to increase welfare in society.
At 13 I executed my first idea which was a small company; DriveSelections was an automotive consultancy advising clients on the best cars for them, helping to fix a market failure within the automotive industry of asymmetric information caused by a lack of consumer knowledge about new vehicles. Fast forward to the present and I find myself setting up my second company, a new platform aimed at disrupting the automotive industry, specifically redefining the way people manage and trade car leases.
I have worked for numerous startups, the most recent being a firm addressing new Nuclear Safety regulations post the 2011 Fukushima nuclear disaster. Upon joining I felt that the marketing materials being used to present the company were inadequate, so I began redesigning the firm’s website, business cards and presentations. In addition to this I enjoyed helping to brainstorm approaches on securing funding, which was similar to when I worked on developing operation strategies alongside the founder of a b2c platform in the food industry. This was an interesting time as I joined the company for data entry, however shortly began to consider ways to navigate the task more efficiently, which led to discussion on how to streamline their processes. I also took part in work experience within a tech consultancy - PTS Consulting and a private bank - EFG, experiences I thoroughly enjoyed as they allowed me to be involved in creating innovative solutions to problems within constraints. A highlight being the work I did alongside PTS’ most successful consultant on the initial design and marketing approach for a new product which involved buyback schemes for corporate electronics.
Economics is my passion. I want to understand all the factors that change markets, in order to find opportunities, identify market inefficiencies and understand the impacts of factors such as trade agreements, speculation and government intervention.
Things are often delivered in suboptimal ways leading me to wonder what decisions and processes were undertaken in their production. I find myself contemplating ways in which I could deliver the same solution more efficiently or to a higher standard, because of this I decided to read into Globalisation. The ability to outsource jobs to the most efficient producer regardless of location instigated a transformation in the way businesses operate. The birth of containerisation is often overlooked, yet it was this innovation that facilitated the ability to move production to areas around the world, lowering prices and reducing resource overallocation, something I appreciate more while reading “The Box” by Mark Levinson.
Within school I have always sought opportunities to push myself, driven by the desire to learn through mistakes and experience. Last year I led my F1 in Schools team to the National Finals where we positioned second in the country. As team principal I loved pitching to prospective sponsors and developing strategies to increase our fan base. This included the creation of a music video which not only succeeded in exponentially growing our support on social media platforms, but also helped my election as Vice School Captain of Latymer Upper School.
I believe that I am a determined, enthusiastic individual, committed to grasping every chance for personal growth and with higher education I hope to continue on the path towards fulfilling my full potential.
Here is what our AI personal statement review tool said about the above
I have reviewed your personal statement and appreciate the strong interest you convey in both management and economics, underscoring your entrepreneurial spirit and commitment to innovation. The following feedback highlights areas where your statement could benefit from improved coherence, additional depth, or stronger transitions:
1. Introduction: Coherence and Relevance: The opening sentence discusses the idea of friction and innovation but does not connect immediately with your personal narrative or motivations. Consider revising to directly introduce your personal drive for innovation or a formative experience that sparked your interest in management and economics.
2. Developing Interest: Logical Flow and Depth: The first paragraph touches on your early interest in innovative solutions but transitions somewhat abruptly into economic concepts. Establish a clearer link between your youthful endeavors and the development of your interest in economic welfare. Specify what experiences or realizations deepened your understanding.
3. Entrepreneurial Ventures: Connection and Flow: Your business initiatives, like DriveSelections and the new automotive platform, emphasize hands-on experience. However, tying these more closely to your desire to explore management principles and economic theories could strengthen their relevance. For instance, explain what you learned about market dynamics through these experiences and how they tie back to your academic goals.
4. Work and Extracurricular Experiences: Relevance and Depth: The section on startup work and your efforts to innovate within existing frameworks is insightful. Nevertheless, discuss what these experiences taught you about management and economics. Elaborate on specific skills gained or lessons learned that directly prepared you for academic pursuits in these fields.
5. Intellectual Curiosity: Transition and Integration: Your mention of reading “The Box” by Mark Levinson introduces your interest in globalization. To maintain flow, integrate this reading into a broader narrative about how your curiosity led you to seek knowledge beyond formal education. How did this book influence your perspective on economics?
6. School Achievements: Coherence: Transition smoothly from personal projects to academic/team achievements. Your F1 in Schools experience is presented well as a demonstration of leadership and strategic thinking. Connecting these activities more directly to both subject areas (management and economics) could emphasize how these skills translate into your academic ambitions.
7. Conclusion: Summary and Passion: The conclusion mentions determination and enthusiasm but could more strongly reaffirm your specific interest in Management and Economics. Summarize how your past experiences, self-driven projects, and academic pursuits have built a solid foundation for advancing in these fields at university. Highlight your commitment to these subject areas explicitly.
Overall Suggestions
Strengthen Transitions: Ensure that each paragraph logically builds upon the last, creating a cohesive narrative about your journey and aspirations.
Emphasize Specific Experiences: While you list numerous experiences, digging deeper into how each influenced your perspective or capabilities can demonstrate a thorough engagement with the subject.
