The Personal Statement That Got Me An Oxford Interview
Right now everyone wants to see real personal statement examples - so here it goes, check mine out here. By the way - I don’t think it’s good.
This personal statement got me offers from the LSE and Kings, as well as to interview at Oxford back in 2019
It is often regarded that understanding friction is necessary in order to drive innovation, as innovation is the act of reducing friction within society in order to make living better and crucially, easier.
From a young age this is what I would try to do. I strived to create innovative solutions in sectors which I found interesting, solutions which would lead to a better, more efficient use of consumer money. With the stronger set of economic vocabulary I now have, I label this as a desire to increase welfare in society.
At 13 I executed my first idea which was a small company; DriveSelections was an automotive consultancy advising clients on the best cars for them, helping to fix a market failure within the automotive industry of asymmetric information caused by a lack of consumer knowledge about new vehicles. Fast forward to the present and I find myself setting up my second company, a new platform aimed at disrupting the automotive industry, specifically redefining the way people manage and trade car leases.
I have worked for numerous startups, the most recent being a firm addressing new Nuclear Safety regulations post the 2011 Fukushima nuclear disaster. Upon joining I felt that the marketing materials being used to present the company were inadequate, so I began redesigning the firm’s website, business cards and presentations. In addition to this I enjoyed helping to brainstorm approaches on securing funding, which was similar to when I worked on developing operation strategies alongside the founder of a b2c platform in the food industry. This was an interesting time as I joined the company for data entry, however shortly began to consider ways to navigate the task more efficiently, which led to discussion on how to streamline their processes. I also took part in work experience within a tech consultancy - PTS Consulting and a private bank - EFG, experiences I thoroughly enjoyed as they allowed me to be involved in creating innovative solutions to problems within constraints. A highlight being the work I did alongside PTS’ most successful consultant on the initial design and marketing approach for a new product which involved buyback schemes for corporate electronics.
Economics is my passion. I want to understand all the factors that change markets, in order to find opportunities, identify market inefficiencies and understand the impacts of factors such as trade agreements, speculation and government intervention.
Things are often delivered in suboptimal ways leading me to wonder what decisions and processes were undertaken in their production. I find myself contemplating ways in which I could deliver the same solution more efficiently or to a higher standard, because of this I decided to read into Globalisation. The ability to outsource jobs to the most efficient producer regardless of location instigated a transformation in the way businesses operate. The birth of containerisation is often overlooked, yet it was this innovation that facilitated the ability to move production to areas around the world, lowering prices and reducing resource overallocation, something I appreciate more while reading “The Box” by Mark Levinson.
Within school I have always sought opportunities to push myself, driven by the desire to learn through mistakes and experience. Last year I led my F1 in Schools team to the National Finals where we positioned second in the country. As team principal I loved pitching to prospective sponsors and developing strategies to increase our fan base. This included the creation of a music video which not only succeeded in exponentially growing our support on social media platforms, but also helped my election as Vice School Captain of Latymer Upper School.
I believe that I am a determined, enthusiastic individual, committed to grasping every chance for personal growth and with higher education I hope to continue on the path towards fulfilling my full potential.
Here is what our AI personal statement review tool said about the above
Thank you for sharing your personal statement draft. You've done a commendable job of showcasing your passion for economics and management, as well as your entrepreneurial spirit. Below, I've provided some feedback and suggestions to enhance the coherence, relevance, and logical flow of your statement.
Introduction: Your introduction presents an interesting concept about friction and innovation, but it could be more directly tied to your personal experiences and aspirations. Consider starting with a specific example of how you've applied this concept in your life to make it more engaging.
Consider phrasing it similarly to this: "From a young age, I have been driven by a desire to reduce societal friction through innovative solutions. This passion has guided my journey in creating efficient consumer solutions, which I now recognize as a pursuit to enhance societal welfare."
Paragraph 1: This paragraph effectively introduces your early entrepreneurial ventures. However, the transition between your past and present endeavors could be smoother. Try to connect these experiences more directly to your growing understanding of economics.
Consider phrasing it similarly to this: "At 13, I launched DriveSelections, an automotive consultancy addressing market failures caused by asymmetric information. Today, I am developing a new platform to redefine car lease management, reflecting my evolving understanding of economic principles and market dynamics."
Paragraph 2: Your work experience is impressive and relevant, but it could benefit from a clearer connection to your interest in economics and management. Highlight how these experiences have shaped your skills and aspirations.
Consider phrasing it similarly to this: "Working with startups, including a firm addressing nuclear safety regulations, has honed my ability to innovate within constraints. These roles, from redesigning marketing materials to strategizing funding approaches, have deepened my understanding of operational efficiencies and market strategies."
Paragraph 3: This paragraph effectively conveys your passion for economics, but it could be more focused on specific insights or questions that have arisen from your studies and readings.
Consider phrasing it similarly to this: "My passion for economics drives me to explore market dynamics and inefficiencies. Reading 'The Box' by Mark Levinson, I gained insight into how containerisation revolutionised global trade, prompting me to question how similar innovations can optimise resource allocation today."
Extracurricular Activities: Your extracurricular activities are well-presented and demonstrate relevant skills. However, ensure they are directly linked to your interest in management and economics.
Consider phrasing it similarly to this: "Leading my F1 in Schools team to the National Finals taught me valuable lessons in leadership and strategic planning, skills that are crucial in management. This experience, along with my role as Vice School Captain, has prepared me to tackle complex challenges in the field of economics."
Conclusion: Your conclusion is strong, but it could be more concise and focused on summarizing your readiness and passion for the field.
Consider phrasing it similarly to this: "I am a determined and enthusiastic individual, eager to pursue higher education in management and economics. I am committed to leveraging my experiences and education to drive innovation and efficiency in the business world."
Overall, your statement is well-structured and demonstrates a genuine interest in economics and management. By refining the transitions and ensuring each paragraph builds logically on the last, you can create a more cohesive and compelling narrative. Best of luck with your application!
